Today marks the day of my 100th post. I pondered all of the possibilities that I could do with this post. All of my ideas proved to be too corny...or too hard...or just plain impossible. It's a lot easier to come up with ideas for the 100th day of school. Give kids 100 fruit loops on a string and they are totally indebted to you.
Instead, I've decided to RE-post a post I did on my first blog (no, it is no longer viewable to the public). I'm not doing this because I'm lazy or because I ran out of ideas. When I read this post, written by me but 3 years younger, I learned something from myself. It was somewhat humorous. It was like I was sitting across from the slightly younger version of myself, relearning a lesson that I apparently already learned. I guess you could call it one of my stones.
June 29, 2009, 2:35 pm:
Recently, I've found myself to be incredibly stressed. I try to take things in small bites but then as soon as I step back and look at the massive amount I have left to chew, I almost begin to choke myself with overwhelment. This summer, I've been trying to do as much wedding planning as possible (being fully aware that I will not have nearly as much free time come August). I have slowly but surely been trying to pack up my apartment and put it into storage so that I'll be ready to move out July 31st--and I've become awakened to the fact that I need to stop collecting so many little pieces of junk...simplify, simplify, simplify. I'm also in the process of trying to get my job secured and set in stone so that I don't feel like a leaf that has been rustled by the wind and has yet to find a place to settle down. Oh, and did I mention that my family is moving too?...sooo...all of the pieces of furniture I was planning on collecting from them have to be picked up a little sooner than I was planning. Maybe even before I have a place to put them...
Well, after having one too many weird and bizarre dreams that I've reasoned to be in direct relationship to the millions of thoughts I've had running through my mind 24/7, I decided to go to the pool and chillax for a couple of hours. Yes, I still had plenty I could work on for the wedding. Yes, I still had more little pieces of junk that I had to decide "to pack, or not to pack". And yes, I was anxiously awaiting a phonecall from the central office confirming that I, indeed, did have a job come August. Nevertheless, I figured it would be good for me to soak up a healthy amount of sun, as well as soak up some good reading. I began reading the second chapter of Crazy Love by Francis Chan and what do you know....it was about stress and worry. As if God were saying..."good grief, be still would you? Quit your whining and know that I AM God." This is when we're so tempted to justify our stress. "But God, I take things seriously. There are decisions to be made...problems to be solved...questions to be answered. Am I not justified in getting a little stressed?"
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice."
Rejoice...always? Except for the extreme occasions where I'm really swamped, right? Well for that answer, reading a little bit further in the passage would be necessary...
"Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Chrst J-sus."
Hmm...so it's not all about me is it? Naturally I wouldn't consider myself to be self-centered because I'm stressed or worried...But am I not thinking of only myself when I worry; because in doing so, I doubt that God can handle or even understand the things that I'm going through? Am I not placing all of my tasks above a Holy God when I stress; because after all, my self-righteous responses to hard times are excusable since I have more important things to deal with.
In all reality, my life is but a vapor...here today and gone the next. It will not go down in history that in the summer of 2009, I had an unreasonably huge amount of tasks to take on. The world will not take a day to memorialize my will-power to wake up at 5:00 a.m. 5 days a week to drive to a school in a different time zone and teach. Because of God I take each breath that I breathe and by God that very breath can be taken away from me at any moment. I could fall over dead right now in the middle of Toomer's Coffee before I ever finish this post. How? Because I am nothing apart from Him. I break under pressure. I stumble and fall...more times than I can count. Thank God that I am weak because it causes me to reach out and rely on Him continually...in all circumstances.
Consider a newborn baby, are they not the most fragile human on earth? Parents take all extremes to make sure their child avoids bumps or bruises....or worse of all, sudden death. Strollers are top of the line these days... buckles that come from all angles, guaranteeing that the baby does not fall out; a nice little canopy guarding the young child from the scorching sun; a lightweight frame, yet they are strong enough to repel missiles. Yes, I'll admit that I get a little nervous when I hold an infant...but when does life stop being fragile? What age do you have to be before you are out of death's grasp? Sometimes, I think I have that mindset that I've reached the age of invincibilty. I have this one life to live and I don't want to live it for myself and I certaintly don't want to waste it on petty worries. I want to live my life for the glory of God. He is everything.
He must increase, but I must decrease. -- John 3:30
He must increase, but I must decrease. -- John 3:30