Friday, January 31

Retracing My Steps

This past week was far more fruitful than I could have ever hoped it to be. Sticking strong with my one goal this year--meeting with the Lord each and every day--I've already seen pieces of His plan for this upcoming year. I can't see completely, of course, but it's clear enough for me to know that He's behind all that's unfolding.

Lately, I've been trying to pull out the weeds that I let overgrow and get out of control in my life. Sin easily entangles us and that was ever-so-true for my life this past year. I've tried to reevaluate how I spend my time and I'm still seeking the Lord about what I need to let go of and what I need to add.

I've been blessed as I work through the Intentionally Focused study put together by Good Morning Girls. The first week was focused on the race we as believers are running, on a course already set and marked for us, with an eternal prize to look forward to when we cross the finish line.

So what happens when you get off course? It happens, you know. What happens when you get yourself so far off track that when you look for the Lord, you can't find him?

How does that happen to a believer? You would think something like that would never happen when you've experienced the sweet presence of the Lord, whose words are so comforting and whose fellowship is so precious. How is it that a born-again believer doesn't fix his/her eyes on the Lord every moment of every day?

All legitimate questions. My answer: I'm an idiot.

When I find myself far from the Lord, it's pretty common to realize my foolishness after all is said and done. One thing is for sure, I'm not content to stay so far off course and I certainly don't want to keep walking further away from Him. That's a dangerous place to be. There's only one thing TO do:

I seek Him. I search for Him, earnestly.

On my bed by night
I sought him whom my soul loves;
      I sought him, but found him not.
I will rise now and go about the city,
      in the streets and in the squares;
I will seek him whom my should loves.
      I sought him, but found him not.
The watchmen found me
      as they went about in the city.
"Have you seen him whom my soul loves?"
Scarcely had I passed them
      when I found him whom my soul loves.
I held him, and would not let him go...

Song of Solomon 3:1-4

I've been retracing my steps. I'm retracing my steps because I know that I'll find the Lord at the exact place where I began to start losing fellowship with Him. With each step I take back to find Him "whom my soul loves", I hear His voice more clearly. As the distance between me and Him lessens, I feel His presence all the more.


My senior year in high school I dual-enrolled at the local community college. I would drive to school each morning, check in with my homeroom teacher, go to my first period class and then head to my class on the college campus. The class always finished before I needed to go back to my high school, so I usually drove back to my house, since it was a mere 5 minutes away, to eat a late breakfast. On one particular day, I didn't have as much time to spare but I still drove home and had a quick bite to eat, then brushed my teeth before heading back out the door.

Normally, I dropped my car keys on the kitchen counter as I walked through the door. That way, when it was time to leave, the keys were always there waiting on me. However, the keys were no where to be found when it was time for me to leave.  Apparently, because I was in such a rush the moment I walked through the door that day, I failed to let go of my keys. This meant, my keys had been dropped somewhere else.

No big deal, I thought to myself. I'll just retrace my steps.

Maybe the keys were on a different counter in the kitchen. Nope.
Maybe I put the keys on the kitchen table with my bag. Or maybe they are inside my bag? No, neither of those spots.

This is when I realized that I needed to be out the door at that very moment and I had no way to even crank the car. I started earnestly searching for the keys in all the most random places, all along thinking to myself, "What all have I done since being home?"

I opened up the refrigerator where I grabbed milk for my cereal. No keys. 
I opened up the kitchen cabinet where I got my bowl. Nothing. 
I ran upstairs into my room to see if I threw them on the bed. Apparently not.

At one point, I even had to call my mom at the hospital and let her know she might have to leave work so she could bring my spare car keys. That's never a fun phone call to make. She pushed me to keep searching since there's never really a good time to leave work when you're an RN nurse. Alas, I continued my search, even though it was inevitable I would be late for my class at this point.

After already being up and down the stairs and around the house dozens of times, even wasting my time searching in places I knew for a fact I had not been that morning, I took one more trip up to my room. I checked my bathroom counter to see if I put my keys there while brushing my teeth. No keys to be found.

I stared at myself in the mirror. "What did you do with your keys?!" I even prayed, "Lord, this is such a bizarre request but I need you to help me find my keys. I apparently can't find these keys on my own."

I surrendered.

Then a crazy thought crossed my mind. I opened the drawer where I kept my toothbrush and toothpaste. My keys! I had apparently dropped them in the drawer when I needed to pick up my toothbrush.

Why on earth did I drop my keys there?

That is the million dollar question.

Seems kind of dumb. Thoughtless. It's almost like I wasn't in the right state of mind when I was scrambling through the house. To be quite honest, I probably shouldn't have even been at the house to begin with. I knew I didn't have enough time...but I went anyway.


Why on earth would we drop the Lord and pick up other idols in our life?

Why for the love of other worldly possessions would be cease to meet with the Savior?

For the sake of ungodly relationships, lust, our own agenda and plans, greed, and all other sins that entangle us and trip us up, we somehow decide one day that something has to go. We don't want to let go of it, so we let go of God.

Have you let Him go? Did you put him on hold and continue on with your life in hopes to find something or someone better? I know I have, multiple times. Foolishly, I let Him go.

But now I'm seeking Him. I'm seeking Him with my whole heart. I'm earnestly seeking Him because I know how dangerous it is to be without His fellowship. I'm searching for the place in my walk where I lost fellowship with the Lord because it is there where I will find Him.

One thing is still necessary: I must surrender myself completely, willing to give up anything that caused such trouble in the first place.

"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose" (Jim Elliot).

Look for Christ where you left Him. He's not gone away.

And then cling to Him and never let Him go!


  1. I LOVE your blog's new style! Very cute! I haven't been over in a few weeks so I thought I would stop by and say hello.

    1. Thanks Deonna! I'm really happy with it too :-) It was worth spending two FULL days after Christmas trying to figure out how to get the look I wanted. I've been checking out your blog lately too. Always inspiring!

  • We should always listen to our inner voice, right? So, how did it go with the key? I read through so fast but did not see where you wrote about finding the key.

    Let's retrace out steps to our creator and He will surely welcome us back home !

    1. I found my keys in the drawer where I kept my toothbrush and toothpaste :-P Very random but that just shows you how out of my mind I was! Thanks for reading and commenting Michelle!


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